


The Cookie Jar Incident

by Covinskey



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Babies, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic, Mostly Crack, it's really cracky, wolf 359 secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:11:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5495039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Covinskey/pseuds/Covinskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a bit of a cracky take on a “kids in daycare” AU that someone came up with months ago. The cookie jar is on the top shelf, and the kids of Haphestus daycare are determined to reach it. For tumblr user mslaurenmallard</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cookie Jar Incident

If there was one thing five-year-old Rene Minkowski hated, it was a limit. It was the one thing she had in common with Doug Eiffel, but she didn’t want to admit it. And what limit did they have right now? The very high closet between them and the cookie jar.

Doug was currently trying to climb the shelves, reach that high, grab the cookie jar, and climb back down. It was not going well.

“Doug you’re gonna fall!” Minkowski shouted, “Get down right now before Hera comes back!”

“No!” Doug insisted. Well, no wonder he was so stupid, he was only four-and-a-half.

“You’re gonna break your arm and cry!” she told him, “You’re gonna cry and cry and cry!”

“No I’m not!” he said, and his footing wobbled a little.

“Fine,” Minkowski said, “Fall. You big dummy.”

“I’m not a dummy!” Doug retorted. 

Minkowski stormed to the other side of the playroom. “Doctor Hilbert,” she announced dramatically, “Do you have a plan to reach the cookie jar?”

“Not yet, but I am vvvvvvvvery close!” Hilbert told her, “I have made rocket, and ven launched, will knock cookie jar from shelf, and gravity vill make it fall, letting us eat the cookies!”

“Good work Doctor,” Minkowski said, “How much longer until it works?”

“Well-” Hilbert started, but was cut off but Isabel Lovelace, who was technically going to be 6 in three months and thought she was the boss of everybody. Minkowski was going to turn 6 soon too! She just didn’t wanna boss everyone around.

Well, she did, but she could be a lot nicer about it.

“We don’t need to get the cookies!” she said angrily, “We can leave! We’ve gotta leave, right now, before Mr. Cutter comes back!”

All of them went quiet at that. None of them liked Mr. Cutter.

“Mr. Cutter’s not gonna come!” Doug said angrily, one of his feet slipping.

“Be careful!” ordered Minkowski, running towards him, “I’ll catch you if you fall, help me, Isabel!”

“Don’t call me Isabel! I’m Lovelace!”

“Whoa, whoa!” Doug said, and fell back. Minkowski ran forward caught him and they both fell to the ground. 

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied, “I’m not even hurt at all.”

And maybe it was a girlfriend thing to do to catch a boy climbing a cupboard, but Minkowski was boss and bosses had to make sure everyone was safe. Besides, she had a boyfriend, but he went to a different day care. 

And he was the super bestest. 

Even if everyone teased her. 

“We have to have a safer way to get the cookies,” she declared.

“No we don’t!” Lovelace shouted back, “We have to find a way to leave!”

“But now cookies are more important!”

“No! Leaving is!”

“Cookies!”

“Leaving!”

“Cookies!”

“Leaving!”

“I wanna leave too but cookies first!”

“No! No, no, no!”

Doug started to cry and ran into the corner. Hilbert tried to cheer him up by giving him a mud pie he had made outside and hid in his pocket.

“Ew! Gross!” Doug shouted, “You’re gross!”

“Fine!” Hilbert shouted back, “Ven I get down ze cookies, you can have none!”

“Hilbert!” protested Minkowski.

“No, he’s right, Doug was a meanie!” Lovelace said.

“Love-less!” Minkowski protested, “Fine! I’m gonna do this myself!”

Everyone gasped as she put her feet on the first shelf, then climbed up to the second. The third was a little tricky, it wobbled, and she knew that everyone was worried, but she made it. The fourth shelf was already full of heavy stuff, like flour and sugar, and it creaked when Minkowski stepped on it, but it didn’t break. And then, right there in front of her, was the cookie jar!

Carefully, carefully, she picked it up with both hands, and then wobbled perilously. She could hear everyone down below gasp. Even though she couldn’t see it, Hilbert was getting the cushions off the couch in case she fell. She grabbed the top of the shelf, but couldn’t carry the cookie jar with only one hand. So she picked it up again, went to take another step down, and fell backwards with a yelp.

Lovelace ran forward and caught her, and they both tumbled onto the cushions. Minkowski whimpered.

“Are you alright?” Doug asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “Lovelace? Are you alright?”

Lovelace whimpered a little. “You hit my tummy!”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“It hurts!”

“I’m sorry!”

Hilbert crawled over to them and pulled a band aid out of his pocket. He carefully took it out of its wrapper and stuck it on Lovelace’s belly on her shirt. “Is it better?” he asked.

“Yes,” decided Lovelace, hugging him.

“Here,” said Minkowski, giving her a cookie from the jar. The jar wasn’t broken at least. She gave another cookie to Hilbert, and one to Doug, and one for herself, and one to Hera.

Wait, Hera!

The children hid their cookies behind there backs, but it was too late. Hera could see  _ everything _ .

“Are… are we in trouble?” Doug asked, because everyone knew Hera liked him best, “Because nobody got hurt….”

“Oh, you’re definitely in trouble. Now, put the cushions back on the couch, finish your cookies, then you’re all getting a time-out.”

“Well,” Minkowski sighed, “At least we got our cookies.”


End file.
